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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29935995">Yellow Tulips</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/conversation_hearts/pseuds/conversation_hearts'>conversation_hearts</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Short, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, dreamnap, love letter, no beta we die like men, ok maybe a little comfort at the end, one shots, this is about dn even if you can't tell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 22:55:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,061</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29935995</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/conversation_hearts/pseuds/conversation_hearts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>yellow tulips; hopeless love</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Clay | Dream/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>41</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Hanahaki</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this does not flow very well at all but oh well</p><p>each chapter is it's own separate thing</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     Sapnap’s lungs filled with begonias and gardenias, their delicate petals spilling outward and up his esophagus. He couldn’t breathe, but he didn’t mind.<br/>
     Because even this suffocating pain, the feeling of his lungs collapsing, was better than knowing <i>he’d</i> never love him back.<br/>
     Unrequited love swelled in his brain, growing in every abandoned nook and cranny. It thrives with intrusive thoughts and flourishes in each depressive state. Like a poinsettia in a greenhouse, it blossoms and writhes and grows until it’s unmanageable, a weed.<br/>
     The butterflies that once lived in his stomach have long since died. Their wings are shattered and their hope is crumpled. They no longer tickle the strings of his heart or fill him with a giddy excitement. They’re dead.<br/>
     The boneyard that is Sapnap’s chest swoons with each notification before caving in on itself with each disappointment. His heart sighs with each bout of ephemeral hope, its intoxicating sweetness poisoning his veins like wolfsbane.<br/>
     Ivy curls around the raven-haired boy’s wrists and ankles, holding him back from everyone surrounding him until he’s left alone with nothing but himself and the flowers in his head. <i>I’m scared, I’m so scared of what comes next</i>. His mind repeats in a never ending chamber of echoes. <i>I’m alone, nobody’s here to pull me out of the water that’s rising above my head</i></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Him.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>more hanahaki. sorry.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     <i>I can’t breathe.</i> Flowers filled Sapnap’s lungs as their curled petals spilled out of his open mouth. Burning tears of stardust streamed down his face in spiraling sobs. Daffodils twined themselves around his aching knees, crawling up his thighs tauntingly. Cypress flowers wind themselves around his pale neck in ever tightening spirals. It’s still less painful.<br/>
     Less painful than knowing Dream will never look at Sapnap the way he looks at him. His heart will never skip a beat when he reads his screen name. Dream’ll never go to sleep, feeling happier than ever, just because he had a small conversation with Sapnap.<br/>
     Everything he sees is about <i>him</i>. The colors of the sunset, a rosy bee. The color red and the word ‘airport’. He wants to tell Dream everything and wants Dream to tell him everything.<br/>
     But that’s weird- isn’t it? Wanting someone to be your everything when you’re but a mere thought in their mind?<br/>
     <i>I want to be his last thought when he goes to sleep and his first when he wakes up, because that’s what he is to me.</i><br/>
     And it hurts, it hurts so fucking bad, but Sapnap don’t mind it anymore. Because he knows he could stop it all, just one sentence, get it over with, but he won’t. He’s too scared, it won’t work, he’ll fuck everything up. He has one thousand reasons not to, and still wants to. The “what if’s” will kill him, but it’s fine. It has to be.<br/>
     And he supposes, he’ll be okay admiring from afar. Watching Dream be happy, and watching him move onward with his life while Sapnap’s stuck in place. He puts on a sad playlist and rides it out while he talks to someone else. They’re to him what he is to Sapnap.<br/>
     <i>Everything.</i></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. A Love Letter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>sapnap writes dream a love letter</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this one is a little nicer me thinks<br/>not quite as sad</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     <i>God fucking damnit, Dream.</i> Sapnap quickly scrawled in a black notebook, the pressure from his pen leaving indents on the paper. He was frustrated, so very frustrated, with the turmoil of emotions in his head.<br/>     <i>You’re so amazing and I’m so head over heels for you. When you leave, I miss you with every bone in my body, so much so that it hurts to think about you.</i><br/>     <i>But I never stop thinking about you.</i><br/>     <i>I can’t.</i><br/>      He paused, running a hand through his dark hair and he puffed out a small sigh. What was he doing?<br/>     <i>You’re rain on a bright summer day and pink lemonade on a cool afternoon. You’re everything I ever dreamed up when I imagined perfection.</i><br/>     It’s not like he ever actually planned to send this letter to Dream, he just needed to put his feelings on paper. He needed to feel like someone would know how he’s feeling, even if it’s just through an unsent letter. Sapnap could feel his frustration giving way to something softer, something almost more helpless and melancholic.<br/>     <i>Perfection.</i><br/>     <i>I didn’t realize it could exist in a person. That is, until we met. You’re suffocating in the best way possible.You comfort me in the way I thought was only possible in white noise.</i><br/>     <i>When I imagine dancing in the kitchen with someone, I imagine you. When I imagine someone holding me, keeping me together, it’s always you. It never stops being you.</i><br/>     He paused, his breath catching in his throat as he reread what he had written. It was true, of course, but that didn’t make it any more easy to continue with the writing. He had to get it out.<br/>     <i>The unrequited part of our love is something I’ve come to terms with, really. It’s something I’m okay with at this point. Truthfully, just being your friend is enough. Witnessing our banter, being your counterpart-the sun to your moon-is enough for me to be happy.<br/>     The moon.</i><br/>     <i>You’re as amazing as a full moon, softer than anyone would ever know at a first glance. You’re inviting and funny and sweet and everything sugar and spice. Everything. You’re everything.</i><br/>     <i>Everything to me, at least.</i><br/>     <i>Everything I’ve ever wanted.</i><br/>     Was this dumb? Was he being dumb? Sapnap hoped with every part of his being that writing this would make everything go away. The ache that comes with being in love with your best friend.<br/>     <i>I spend every dandelion coated wish on you, but not pn a romance. I don’t want it to be forced. It would have to be genuine. I know you don’t swing that way, the way towards me, and I can’t try to change that- that’s not how it works. So I just wish for you to be happy instead. I wish for your life to be fulfilling and for you to find someone who you admire mutually just as much as I admire you.</i><br/>     Sapnap smiled softly, rolling the pen between two fingers. He liked this part, it hurt less to write. He rubbed at the tears that rested along the waterline of his eyes, wiping his damp hand on his sweatpants. Carefully, he finished the letter.<br/>     <i>You.</i><br/>     <i>I love you so much, Dream.</i></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>comments/kudos are very appreciated!!</p><p>my twitter is @convohearts for updates!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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